Buried Within

Back at the bottom...preparing for the climb.

2011-01-18T21:24:00.003-05:00

So, here I am...almost exactly 2 years to the day; almost exactly the same weight; almost exactly the same frustrations. If you have read the story of the blogs inception, then you know that I gave myself 1 year (from 1/2009 to 1/2010) to get to my goal weight before opting for weight loss surgery... I started at 237.5 in 2009 and last Monday, January 10, 2011 I weighed in at 236.5...UGH! But, I made some immediate changes in my eating and started going to the gym. In 2009 I was doing a very drastic program with protein supplements and 1 solid/low carb meal a day, so the pounds came off in a serious way. This time I am keeping with the low carb situation, but just preparing my own meals rather than supplements. I missed blogging during the first week, so you were spared the ride on my "HANGRY" roller coaster...if you don't remember- read the entries from the beginning of the blog. I lost 8lbs in that week, weighing in at 228.5. There will be some "guest bloggers"...supporters of my journey, and any tidbits that I think are interesting... ...Let's get started on an upward climb, with some digging along the way, in search of the truth that is buried within.

The Worst of Times!

2009-06-03T10:47:00.002-04:00

I am loving the fact that Maryam is posting! I think it will make for a much more "fun" time during this cleanse. Anyway, the worst of times is when the cleanse begins to work - i.e. you have to go to the bathroom. So the "climax" everyday is the salt water flush that you do....and boy do you ever flush with that thing- pun completely intended! So, Maryam had read that you are suppose to begin the cleanse with a laxative tea. So here I am, every the happy participant, drinking the tea in the morning... All day, I was good to go (he he he)- but then, as I drove home, I began to experience a rumbling of sorts. Now, one would think that because you are not eating there is little to excrete...a myth I tell you, a dang myth. I am feeling the rumble and, though I am not terribly far from my destination, I know that holding it was not an option. Like many of my fat days past- I celebrated at the first sight of a McDonald's. I will spare you the details, but all was well with the world after that pit stop. But, here is the rub of being a happy participant: I get home and, while on the phone with Maryam, take my bottle of salt water like a soldier. I lay down with the phone and the remote, waiting... I am scared to fall asleep because the slightest sneeze would ruin my 800 thread count sateen sheets... I wait, and Wait, and WAIT! Finally, I did what every mother tells a child before stepping foot out of the house- I went to the bathroom and tried to go... tinkle. Unintentionally, I fell asleep. Twice through the night I got up to "try"...tinkle. I was kind of annoyed. I can't take the mixed messages. Clearly, it was suppose to be one or the other. I mean, I knew that there couldn't have been much left after the McDonald's debacle, but who am I to question the reasoning of said cleanse?!?! Well, lemme be the one to tell ya- I will never double up again. No more tea! One is MORE than enough. We are on to day 2, and I am doing A-O-K. I haven't check in with Maryam yet, because she is teaching the leaders of tomorrow...I am glad I left that job yesterday! (luv ya, M). Well, I am off...

REALITY CHECK

2009-06-02T20:59:00.002-04:00

Does anyone remember any of their elementary school class pictures???? Well unfortunately I am sure that my students will remember this years. Why? Because their teacher (me) looks like a stuffed porker :O( ....... Its Maryam, and this reality check is what greeted me this morning. We are starting the CLeanse because I just have to get it together. My body doesnt crave fruits, veggies, none of the good stuff. But for sure I crave pizza, ice cream, subway's $5 foot longs.... Hopefully this will help me regain control of what I allow to enter my body. Today is day one and it has not been pleasant:O( ALL I WANT IS A BITE TO EAT....... I mean anything.... Unfortunately my zeal went out the window with my last meal, but I;m going to try to stay my course. Besides, its way better to do something with a friend (even when she takes it like trooper ... u rock K) Thats it for now here is to reclaiming our control!!!

A New Adventure

2009-06-02T17:14:00.002-04:00

So, as you well know, I have been on a search for the skinny girl buried within my fat ass. I must say that, though I have lost momentum over the past few weeks, I have lost 24.5lbs since the start of this little venture. This morning I weighed in at 213. My dear friend Maryam and I have decided to begin a "sub" adventure. In our years of searching for ways to be healthier (even if we don't use them...lol) we found, and have tried, the Master Cleanse. It is a 2 week series of cleansing ones insides. I have done it- it is CRAZY the stuff that comes out. You do loose weight thru the cleanse but it will, most definitely, return if you do not move to a healthy way of eating and living when you are done. Many people may not agree with a cleanse of this nature as a jump start to weight loss...but I have to tell you- that bloated feeling that may linger is built up S^%T...the cleanse gets it out. You really do feel better when you are done, not to mention a different perspective on food... lettuce tastes GREAT after drinking lemon, water, cayenne, and maple for 2 weeks! ....So, today was our first day, and it isn't so horrible for me. Maryam on the other hand is feeling miserable. She will be a guest blogger from time to time...when ever she feels like logging in. Well, that's it for the update...

......................

2009-05-27T12:01:00.000-04:00

212.5 humph.

busy days

2009-05-20T10:28:00.001-04:00

...ok, so no real time to write in too much detail, but i wanted to give an update. i weighed today at 212 lbs. slowly coming off...

Just Rocks

2009-05-08T13:35:00.002-04:00

I weighed in this morning as I am accustomed- naked. So I have a more accurate account of where I stand. 215 even. Let's see where it goes from here.

PISSED OFF....there is no clever "rock" type title for that!

2009-04-22T16:52:00.002-04:00

...indeed, i am pissed off. i am hungry, cranky, sleepy, and a slew of other things that are not necessarily appropriate for a public blog! i wish it was the social norm to be a fat ass...then i could eat and eat and eat and eat and eat... and be fat and happy! ...but no...i have to be hungry, and troubled... i haven't figured out how to scream via blog yet, but oh how i wish i could...

Back to the Grind

2009-04-21T12:03:00.003-04:00

It has been quite a while, but life has a tendency to throw curve balls. Not only have I not been blogging, but I haven't been watching my weight all that closely. I got back on the scale on Saturday, as I prepared to get myself back on track. I weighed in at 218.5. Granted, I was fully clothed with jeans and things, but still- it is clear that I gained weight. I can't blame all 7.5lbs on clothing. So here I am, annoyed that I fell off, but ready to get moving again...I gotta shed the weight (and the most recent drama) that I am finding myself buried within...

Starring at a mountain...with a donut in hand...

2009-03-19T13:17:00.002-04:00

...It has been a stressful week. My eating could be worse, but it could be better too. In the past week, I have on separate occasions had pizza (although it was thin crust with spinach...not AT ALL what I WANTED to have), about 4 girl scout cookies, 2 bread sticks with cheese, a a bagel. Now, let me be fair- it was not all at once, nor do I feel like I have fallen of the wagon... I actually felt bad about it. This weekend is going to be hard because I will be traveling and won't have as much control over the food options. We will see. Back to climbing, or digging, to get to that which is buried within...

2009-03-13T13:28:00.002-04:00

... I really don't like the process of losing weight. I would much prefer to eat a bacon cheese burger with a side of fried shrimp... i mean fries... well, hell... BOTH! And cake. I want some damn cake and icecream. But, I am fat... yep... FAT! So I eat plants >:oI (that's my angry face) Anyhoo, I can't remember if I mentioned it, but I don't weigh on Monday's anymore. I have moved to Friday's because though I thought that knowing about weighing on Monday morning would keep me honest thru the weekend, I have found that it makes Mondays- which ALREADY SUCK- that much worse. I weighed in today at 211 lbs. So from original 237.5, that is 26.5 lbs gone. I can't tell that anything is happening. I am still FAT...from all angles! Onward forward...more to come.

Grinding Gravel...again...

2009-03-06T10:49:00.002-05:00

It has been a while but, I am back. I have had a trying 2 weeks... a lot of things in my personal life have been sour. Because I am an emotional eater, I fell off the wagon- not in a HUGE way, but bad enough... so, I let myself be for a few days, then decided that it was time to take control again... I did the Master Cleanse fast for a few days. I actually set out to do it for 10-14 days, but I changed my mind. I wanted to get centered and refocused, and I didn't need 2 weeks of starvation for that. I cleansed for 3 days, then got back to the way that I was eating before. i weighed in today at 215.5lbs. So, to date, I have dropped 22lbs. My life is moving in a new direction and, luckily, I will be too busy and too broke to buy additional food...so I will pack my little lunch sack and that will be that. I am sure that we will see more things to come of those that are buried within.

Rock Walls

2009-02-19T20:51:00.003-05:00

So, you know I kind of hit a wall last week, so I refused to weigh myself this week. I was comfortable with that decision- until this morning. When I went to take a shower this morning, I had a moment...so i weighed in. I was 219.0 lbs! :oD That's right! Here is a recap: Week1 (start): 237.5 Week 2 : 225.5 Week 3: 224.5 Week 4: 219 Total: -18.5 lbs Let's just hope that the rock walls keep crumbling so that I can find what is buried within.

Stubborn Stone

2009-02-17T16:48:00.002-05:00

As you may have figured out, I did not weigh in this week. After only loosing 1lb last week, I thought it best to take a break from the scale. Have no fear- I did not drop the ball with my eating plan...although I did take a few liberties this weekend (1 on Saturday and 1 on Sunday). Overall, I am pushing this boulder forward. I am feeling a bit scared of the weigh in on the coming Monday; fearing that I will have, again, lost little to none or worse- gained. I hope not, but who knows. It seems like this is all very ambiguous at times. Well, for now all of my feelings on the matter are still buried within.

A Boulders' Bane: The Fragment

2009-02-10T12:04:00.003-05:00

Yup...that's right, a fragment. That is what I lost this week. I weigh my boulder-ish butt yesterday morning and found that, despite my efforts, I had only lost one-1-uno stinkin' fragment/pound. from 225.5 to 224.5... uuggghhh. ...no words...No Words...NO WORDS! I wonder if I will ever get out of the boulder that I am buried within...

Between a Rock and...a ROCK!

2009-02-05T13:50:00.003-05:00

...OUTRAGEOUS... I had two outrageous moments this week- and it's not over... First, I was in the kitchen making dinner, and I noticed an open bag of "backyard BBQ kettle chips" that were left over. i started to throw the bag in the trash, but decided to have one (yeah right)... 1 turned to 2... "1 chip, 2 chips, 3 chips, more"! What a disaster. After maybe 6, I found a split second of will power and emptied the bag in to the garbage... but after I realized that it was a fresh/clean garbage bag- I grab the first "questionable" thing (fabreeze) and sprayed it all over them. Now, any "ride or die" fat girl/boy can understand the need to spray them with something inedible... a HANGRY fat girl/boy is NOT above going in to the dirty trash and collecting a bag with chips in it; nor is a HANGRY fat girl/boy above going in to a clean trash to collect loose things (especially with the 10/20/30/60 second rule...clearly created by a FATTY). So, I had to make it so that I would not return for such pleasures as BBQ chips... Second, I was so damn hungry last night...I have not been eating after 7pm and, in general, it has been going fine. But last night around 12:45, I just about lost my mind... I was thinking about healthy choices: 100 cal. microwave popcorn, yogurt, just 1 ice cream sandwich (he he he)... but I just laid down and tried my damnedest to not think about my stomach (as it began to eat me from the inside out)... I was watching TV- which didn't help! I finally gave up when a BK commercial came on about the whopper... I turned off the TV, folded my arms in a very hangry manner, and did what my mother told me as a kid when I couldn't fall asleep- I just closed my eyes and tried! So that's it... in 2 days, I have had 2 annoying experiences. But, I am trying. I have my eyes set on some cute ass summer clothes... So, onward/forward as I fight to align my outer fashionista with the fabulousity buried within.

A Chip Off the Rock

2009-02-03T11:22:00.005-05:00

It has been 1 week...well, it was a week yesterday, since I started my new eating plan. Generally, when I read someones blog/post, what I really want to know is if they lost weight and how much, so I will get to the point. I lose 12lbs, putting me at 225.5lbs; 75.5 to go in order to hit my goal! I learned a few things this week: 1. Food tastes pretty good without additional sweetener (I am not even using splenda).

2. You DO pooh when you aren't eating much.

3. Though I might feel skinny after loosing 12lbs, I am still fat.

4. Few people notice that you are no longer eating as much or as often...I don't think they care...

5. Protein Diet Mint Chocolate bars make me absolutely nauseous!!!

6. Muscle Milk Light is awesome!

7. Taking vitamins with solid food is a MUST. Losing weight is an interesting thing for me. Some people really need a group, or a friend, or to talk...but not me (which is why blogging is so out of character)... For me, the key is identifying my happiness, goals, desires and all kinds of other things that, at the end of the day, can be found buried within.

Kicking Rocks

2009-01-29T19:33:00.007-05:00

I have to be honest, I started my actual weight lose process on Monday, January 26, 2009. I had every intention on blogging from the beginning, but I was so HUNGRY that I was ANGRY all day long! ...I think that I will create a new word "HANGRY"... I was hangry as hell and I knew that if I started on that day, nobody would want to read my blog. Nobody wants to "play" with a HANGRY fat girl....lol. I hope that people don't get offended by my use of the word fat. I actually think that I like it! I don't want to say PHAT or even that FAT is truly and acronym for something fabulous. Nope, I just like the word FAT...I just don't like it around my waist. I digress. I started my new life on Monday. I weighed in at 237.5 lbs. I am 5'2, and that is just unacceptable. I am doing a medically supervised diet. It is supervised because I have dropped my caloric intake so drastically. Anyway, I am trying to be safe- no fat burners, no appetite suppressants, no magic pills...just me (and you) on a journey to dig out of the fat that I am buried within.

Throwing Stones

2009-01-29T19:21:00.003-05:00

The idea for this blog came out of a fight that I had with my older sister. I called and told her that I was going to have the lap-band surgery; she threw a FIT! I had never seen (well...heard) such a thing! We talk about "1,000" times a day but, after that blow out, we didn't talk. When we did it was impossible to feel better. Every statement was a starting block for a new fit. Long story short, I made a promise that I would give weight loss one last shot on my own. If it doesn't work, this time next year, I can have the surgery without objection. I am going to give it my best shot... so here we go!